Someone play me a dirge. Bioware, how did you let it come to this? I have to sit here and riddle through the garbage in order to mask your shortsightedness and inconsistencies, solely because I love Mass Effect more than you love honest good sense? Hard truths, people. We're stuck with the stain of Star Brat and Hudson's ego. We can rail against them all we like, but it won't change. The only way I can make peace with that nonsense and enjoy playing the trilogy again is to find a way to reconcile the rest of the trilogy with the thematically grotesque and fundamentally brain-dead ending. I will attempt to do so with logic. This will not be easy. I may require help. Broad strokes first. If the Star Brat controls the Reapers and lives in the Citadel, much of the central conflict of ME1 with Saren trying to find the Conduit is rendered moot. Wouldn't Sovereign just say, "Hey, don't sweat it, Saren my pal, my boss works on the Citadel and he can just open that baby up for us. No need to track down this kooky Prothean planet looking for a backdoor! We got one built in!" Obviously Sovereign didn’t have that option, or ME1 would’ve been a short game. So logically this means one of either two things: either the Star Brat wouldn’t open the Citadel, or he was incapable of opening the Citadel. So what do we know about the Star Brat? There’s never been mention of him before (thank Christ); the Reapers never suggested they had a doofy incorporeal midget for a boss, so I’m left to gather my facts from his ten minutes of screen time. In that period, I come to understand that the Star Brat likes to hang out by absurd machines, and he insists that he controls the Reapers. I know from speaking to the little twerp that he spews circular logic like normal people exhale, exhibits seriously flawed reasoning, and has a laissez-faire approach to endowing Messiahs. He’s admitted to being a virtual intelligence that turned the civilization who created him into the first Reaper, against their will. In my opinion, this is not a person to be trusted at their word. We also know that he shows up at the Crucible and insists that he knows everything about it, and what the consequences of activating its various modes will be. How could he know that? This a strange new machine, never before built, and he’s been stuck on the Citadel for forty-million-odd years. I’m supposed to believe he knows what the Crucible does just because it hooked up to his home? What, is the Crucible plug-and-play like my frickin’ iPod? No, sirs and madams. I think he’s full of it. He’s a dangerous, delusional program that is operating on flawed logic and has admitted genocidal tendencies. We are not taking him at his word. The Reapers have never acknowledged him, either. If they were operating as a hive-mind or if he was their overlord, the Reapers—who have demonstrated time and again that they dislike being destroyed—would have swooped down upon Shepard the moment s/he floated up to the Crucible and even ATTEMPTED to approach the Destroy option. Star Brat mutters something about changing variables, and this is why he’s helping Shepard, but I’ve established that the Plug-and-Play Leprechaun is not to be trusted. This leads me to believe that the Star Brat is lying, he has no control over the Reapers, and they’re oblivious to what’s happening on the Crucible because they’re busy duking it out with the Victory Fleet. Back to my original query, I’m inclined to believe that the Star Brat has no power over the Citadel. He couldn’t open the Citadel for Saren and Sovereign; he didn’t even know what was going on out in the galaxy. He’s just a twitchy little program floating around the bowels of the Citadel. If he even created the first Reaper—and that’s one big if—I’d say Harbinger floated off and wanted nothing more to do with the little twerp. Else why would the ultimate goal of the Reapers be to assimilate organic life, while the Star Brat’s ultimate goal seems to be to encourage random passers-by to rewrite the genetic code of all sentient life? Unless they wanted to destroy the Reapers instead. They could do that, too. He’s fine with that. This rant is getting long, so I’m going to stop here for now. I don’t feel that I’ve made a conclusive point, but it’s a step in the right direction. I’m going to proceed, and the next big problem I see is ME2, what with the main plot in the second game being the Collectors focusing on harvesting humanity in order to create a human Reaper. Without the original Dark Matter ending, this motivation is completely invalided. Star Brat has no reason to focus exclusively on humanity—again invalidating his claim that he controls the Reapers—so why did the Collectors care? That’s next on the list. So, thoughts? Does empirical evidence suggest that the Star Brat is delusional?