It’s been 12 days since we left Kirkwall, 9 days aboard Isabella’s ship. Merrill was seasick the first two days but she’s gotten used to it, and Isabella has assigned her the first mate. We all pitch in to help keep the ship, which Varric has yet to name, running but still we are taking our time in reaching Antiva. Isabella seems confident about finding Zevran. I’m not as eager. She knew right away of course, that I had cheated on Anders with him. I wasn’t proud of it at the time but now…now that I’ve…killed Anders…I no longer feel shame. The two of us were growing apart anyhow, our love fading due to Justice. Even so, I feel no less guilty about his death. But something has been nagging at me, Justice originally inhabited a corpse, and Anders swore that he and Justice were ‘one’…maybe Anders isn’t dead. Maybe…
Hawke barely heard the door creak before Varric spoke. “So the healing process finally begins..”
“Were you reading over my shoulder?!” Hawke indignantly replied.
“I don’t have to, I know you Hawke.” Varric said, stepping closer into the room. “You’ve closed yourself in this room at least six times over the past 3 days, just staring at your journal without writing a word…”
“You’ve been spying on me?” Hawke interrupted, snapping her journal closed, uncaring if the ink was still wet.
“..And now,” Varric continued ignoring her outburst. “You’re jotting down what you refuse to talk about - Blondie.” His face was unreadable, which was always the case when Varric was being serious.
“I’m not ‘refusing’, there just isn’t anything to say. Everyone watched me kill him. Why talk about it?” Hawke responded, dropping her quill back in its inkplot.
“Because we need to know you’re okay, I need to know!” Varric replied, his voice raising and falling at the end.
Hawke just studied him. There were times, such as now, when she wondered if he secretly loved her. “….Afraid of losing your precious heroine in a pout of depression?” she asked. “I’m sure you could make it sound good. ‘Devastated from killing her lover, The Champion of Kirkwall, greets a watery death’.” Varric’s face had become steadily stern causing Hawke to sigh, disappointed that Varric was ignoring the sarcasm in her tone. “I would never do that to Bethany. I’ve failed her twice, I’m not going to do so a third time. She deserves better.”
“As do you Hawke. Sebastian and I discussed that often in fact.” Varric replied crossing his arms.
“Sebastian?” Hawke repeated with a laugh. “I thought you and he didn’t get along.”
“Why because I call him Choirboy? That’s what he is.” Varric retorted, as Sebastian himself appeared in the doorway.
“No because you called him boring.” Hawke said, earning a raised eyebrow from the silent Sebastian. Cracking a smile, she kept her gaze on Varric.
“On the contrary, he’s a compelling addition to the stories I tell Hawke. Well him and his Belt Of Righteousness that is.” Varric replied coyly.
Sebastian spoke up. “Isabella helped you come up with that one didn’t she?”
Varric didn’t seem surprised that Sebastian was behind him. “Isabella does help me from time to time yes…”
“Writing smut, he means.” Hawke jeered. “Just how naughty was the one of me and Fenris? I’m dying to know.”
“That story is ongoing.” Varric countered.
“What?!” Hawke and Sebastian blurted.
“Hey I’m doing you a favor!” Varric chuckled. “Loyalty is a new thing to Ravini and we all know she’s dying to seduce Fenris. So I’m helping her work through her lust.” Varric responded.
“But Fenris and I aren’t together…We were never together truly, we just…” Hawke trailed off, her blue eyes darting to Sebastian.
“That might’ve been the end of feelings for you Hawke, but it wasn’t for him, trust me on that...” Varric replied. “I mean honestly, you’ve never noticed how closely he sticks by you in battle? I have.”
Hawke avoided eyecontact, by tightening her hairband. If she was being completely honest with herself, she had noticed and she did still care. “…Did you want something Sebastian?” she asked.
“A moment alone would be nice.” Sebastian replied, looking pointedly at Varric.
“Awe, am I hurting your chances with all this Fenris talk Choirboy?” Varric taunted.
“I was under the impression..” Sebastian began.
“That I was on your side?” Varric interrupted. Sebastian’s face flushed. “How little you know me. I never pick sides.”
“You do when it comes to Hawke.” Sebastian argued.
“True.” Varric said, meeting her gaze as he walked out.
“Sometimes I wonder about him…” Sebastian mumbled.
“As do I.” Hawke murmured getting to her feet. Sebastian glanced at her with a confused frown. “Now what is it you wanted to discuss ‘alone’?” she asked, crossing over to the window.
“With what’s happening, I may have to return to Starkhaven. My cousin is unfit for the throne afterall and…”
“You’ve spoken of this already.”
Sebastian clenched his jaw in protest at the interruption but Hawke didn’t see. “And. I want you to come along and marry me.” He finished. Hawke whipped around with surprise etched on her face. Sebastian held up his hands. “Let me explain. You’re a mighty warrior Hawke, but you may need an edge in these troubling times. By marrying me, all of Starkhaven will be sworn to protect you and your sister.”
“If this is about Bethany’s safety, why not simply marry her? She’s quite smitten with you.” Hawke replied. The look on Sebastian’s face was fleeting, but it confirmed what Varric had implied.
“Marrying Bethany, would…not be as beneficial as marrying you. Think about it - the rightful lord returns with a mage as his bride-to-be? My competitors would scream blood magic and execute us both. But if I married you, the Champion Of Kirkwall, the protector of the mages…”
“You weren’t even sure we were doing the right thing going against the templars.”
“Meredith was our true foe and she was corrupted. It was the right decision Hawke.”
“And now that there’s an actual mage-templar war brewing?” Hawke challenged.
Sebastian was silent a moment. “…There is no right or wrong. As Ethena said, both sides have merit. The best we can hope for is a truce, an alliance like Thrask was constructing against Meredith.” Hawke nodded in agreement. “Will you at least consider it Lillian?” Sebastian added.
“You could’ve just asked to borrow my entourage if you were afraid of going to Starkhaven alone you know.” Hawke teased. Sebastian smiled faintly, but his eyes still sought an answer. “I am glad however, that you aren’t running off to join the Seekers. Returning to your homeland is a much manlier call.”
Sebastian stood straighter. “Is that what it is? I’m not…manly enough for you?” he asked.
Hawke laughed bitterly. “Anders was hardly a man.” She countered.
“No he wasn’t, he was a sniveling nugheaded coward that thought murder of innocents would lead to freedom for his kind. Best not to dwell on him. Fenris and Varric on the other hand, are quite manly.” Sebastian responded.
“Nice of you to notice…You really are sweet on me….?” Hawke mused.
“And at one time you displayed an interest in me. Has that faded entirely?” Sebastian asked.
Hawke twisted her lips, fighting a smile. “Not entirely.” She answered truthfully.
“Then please consider my offer. You need someone reliable in your life. The others are trustworthy..for now…but they may not always be at your side. I would be bond to you Hawke.” Sebastian said.
“..We’re back to Hawke are we?” Hawke teased.
“I would be bond to you, Lillian Hawke.” Sebastian corrected with an easy smile.
“…So would this be a chaste marriage?” Hawke asked, closing the space between them.
Sebastian’s cheeks shaded pink. “…After what happened in Kirkwall, it is clear The Maker no longer cares for the pure.” He answered carefully.
“Well..” Hawke’s eyes traveled up and down his form. “That’s good to hear.” She purred.
Sebastian was clearly flustred. “Uh…I should…” he stammered.
“Pray? A lot?” Hawke jeered. Sebastian smiled slightly, then stepped closer slowly leaning forward to kiss her. Hawke met him halfway, brushing her lips against his but then she pulled away with a teasing smile and started to walk past him. Sebastian grabbed her arm, knowing the ruffian he was before his parents stuck him in the Chantry, would’ve never allowed such a motion to go unmet. If he was going to win Hawke’s heart, Sebastian would have to revert to that person he was, at least a little. Pulling her close, Sebastian embraced her in a fiery kiss, his fingers clenching possessively in her hair. Sebastian only broke away when the door opened, revealing Isabella and Varric.
“You owe me 5 Sovereigns Ravinni.” Varric told her.
“Maybe they’ve just had sex.” Isabella stalled.
“Then it would smell like sex.” Varric argued.
“Ugh, you’re right. Broken-celibate sex would smell ten times stronger than normal.” Isabella sighed.
“You two are shameless!” Sebastian cried.
Isabella just shook her head while Varric retreated with a smirk. “I should’ve known better with your prudish behavior.” She said to herself. “Ah well. Give me a chance to win it back at least.” She called to Varric. “We’ll be in Antiva in a fortnight. If you two want to start behaving like typical Antivans, now would be an appropriate time to do so.”
“Isabella.” Hawke chortled.
“What?” Isabella said innocently.
“I am not having sex with him so you can win back money from Varric!”
“C’mon, I’d do it for you!”
“That isn’t saying much.” Hawke and Sebastian replied at the same time.
Isabella rolled her eyes. “Fine. I was going to share Zevran with you, literally if you liked, but now I don’t think I will at all.” She said tossing her hair back as she exited.
Hawke’s eyes darted to Sebastian. He just smiled smugly and followed Isabella out. With a weak sigh, Hawke sank into the desk chair and picked up her quill. “Where was I?” she murmured.
Maybe…I have enough potential suitors, no need to think of the possibility of Anders returning to claim me. That was just a guilt-ridden wish; the guilt trying to find wiggleroom for itself. Anders is dead, and I must move on with my life. I must protect Bethany from the chaos Anders created. Mother and Father would expect no less. Carver…well he’d just be happy he wasn’t the one stuck doing it. But is marrying Sebastian really the answer? We’ve never been to Starkhaven…would Bethany even be happy settling there?…Would I? I’m going to have to ask Aveline’s opinion on this one. Though I already know she’ll say yes, that he’s a good man who will succeed in keeping my sister safe. Lillian Hawke-Vael. Maker it…doesn’t sound so bad.//Dunno what to do with this, it just materialized really after my oh so satisfying PT. Might write about Lillian more. I am dying to write about DA afterall. Just haven't a clue where to start, and while this might not be an ideal start-off point, a drabble series like this could work nicely as I fumble into the fandom once again as a ff writer.//
DA2 Post-Campaign Drabble
Blog entry posted by Celia, Aug 2, 2012.